#MeetTheMom Series #6 Dear Women, you are enough !!

This post has been featured at Momspresso as the BlogofTheDay !!

The Daughter-in-law, who earns !!! #TrueStory

“I was accepted by his family for the sole reason that I was earning. My in-laws were elated that month on month I will get some part of the dowry that my poor parents couldn’t arrange at the time of the wedding. My husband used to work on a Printer/ Photocopiers Shop which we were told was his own business, only months later that I came to know that it wasn’t so. He was fired from his job, as was found drunk by the owner.

Because I was earning, he didn’t had the pressure of picking up another job so he continued to stay home idle & became a regular drinker. Eventually moved on to drugs, later.

Every day I used to reach the bank after cleaning & cooking for the family and would reach home in the evening to do the same chores all over again. We were a family of 7, my husband’s parents, his grandmother, two younger brothers & the two of us. While the younger boys were still studying in school, my father in law had his grocery store, the rest of them were home and mostly unproductive.

My husband was a nice person when he wasn’t under the influence of drugs & alcohol. I tried talking about him picking up another job but that didn’t go well with my mother in law. “Let him rest at home, why do you want him to go outside and ask for a job. His father is alive and earning by the grace of God. You didn’t get us enough dowry now go and earn till you give us 10 Lacs as promised by your parents!!”, she would say. I continued working both at home & in office, could hardly get any rest at night as my husband wanted sex every night, sometimes more than once. My health had gone down, because of lack of sleep and food too. I used to look for the hours at work, where I was away from all that negativity & stress.

It was monthly closing time and I got late in reaching home. It was around 7.30 in the evening. The moment I entered, my mother in law abused me, physically and then went on screaming till late at night. They were late for their dinner, everyone was hungry and waiting for me to cook for them. I kept crying that whole night. My husband couldn’t notice my tears or the bruises on my face. But people in my office noticed it immediately in the morning, as I punched my attendance.

My manager called me in her cabin and asked me about it. I was still in trauma, couldn’t utter a word as I was abused. I couldn’t talk about it with my parents and here was this almost stranger whom I didn’t know much except for giving my daily call reports and status updates, showering compassion and kindness on me. Involuntarily, a stream of tears came like a flood from my eyes. Unstoppable!! Uncontrollable !!

I opened my heart to her, and upon reflection, I can clearly see that was the turning point in my life. You too would have experienced this, that sometimes when you are explaining your situation to someone, you are able to reach the solution. I realised my dreams, my ambition to soar higher, despite these adverse conditions. I couldn’t just give up on my dreams, not yet!! 🙂🙂 My manager became my mentor for my life, not just my career.

So that evening, I reached home at the usual timing without uttering a word to anyone finished my duty (kind of my second shift) and went to the bed for the remaining part of the drill. My husband, as I mentioned before, is a nice person and for some reasons, he didn’t drink that night. His touch was gentle on my body, his strokes felt consoling. I waited for my turn to talk to him, once he was relieved from his upsurge of emotions and hormones. Told him about what I was going thru, the kind of pressures from all ends and him not managing himself wasn’t helping. I prayed and hoped that he could understand where I was coming from. But the next evening when I returned, he was back to square one!!

I was losing all hopes, wanted to run away, many times I even thought about committing suicide, but couldn’t gather the courage. Or maybe, I was tougher than I thought I was 🙂, as my manager would often tell me.

I was a telemarketing executive for over 2 years then, my manager who had moved to a zonal profile then mentioned about promoting me to a bigger role which also meant a change of location for me. Now, this was the biggest challenge, not just for me but my mother-in-law too. She couldn’t let me quit my job and didn’t want to get back to doing the household chores that she had stopped doing since I came to their house.

I was given a transfer to Rajasamand District in Rajasthan, close to Udaipur. It was 7 hours away, so travelling every day wasn’t possible. So it was decided that I along with my husband will move to Rajasamand, but I must send all my salary home without fail.

Since I was a kid, I was always a positive person, even during my humble start in my job. Honestly for the first time in my life, I had experienced freedom. Felt the joy of positivity. When you are away from negative thoughts and emotions, positivity seeps in, naturally. I could reconnect with my husband all over again. It took time, but I could pull him out from the clutches of drugs, encouraged him to pick up a computer graphics and animation design course too. He still drinks but now, occasionally 🙂.

Today after 15 years of us being together, we are a family of 4-हम दो, हमारे दो ( We two, our’s Two)!! I am a working mother, managing both my home & my job at a regional position in an MNC bank, keep taking guidance from my manager.

Some of you may not agree with me, but I got a fixed deposit for my mother-in-law, worth Rs 10,00,000/- not as dowry but for her old age and healthcare.

My learnings from my own life are,
#1. You don’t need a man to support you to stand on your feet, you are enough for yourself !!

#2. All you need is a belief in your dreams. Do please don’t give up on your dreams, keep dreaming !!

#3. Parenthood makes you a better human being, my husband is a living example. 😃😃”

PS: This is a true story of a banking professional that I met while doing my research work. I totally respect her desire to be anonymous, but it’s important to share her struggle & success story with those who need inspiration in life.

➡️Please remember to click on 👍 and leave us comment. Your encouragement is our motivation.

With love,

Me & My Hero !!

PC: WordPress

#domesticviolence, #drugsabuse, #alcoholabuse, #dowry, #powerofpositivethinking, #savethegirlchild, #socialvices

Life in IT #4. BURNT-OUT, I had to quit !!

He was one of the Ace Performers in his team, “Boss’s favourite” a computer science graduate from one of the reputed Engineering Colleges. So when he decided to quit the job, it had to be the talk of the town, buzz of the hour, a breaking news!!!

He always had this spark, this zeal to pick up challenges. His friends loved him for his great sense of humor. If there was any blue ocean strategy project coming, everyone would know whose name will be on the top of the list. Interestingly, he knew exactly why all his managers wanted him to be on the most critical & high pressure projects.

It was not just because of his tech-know-how or THE “Zero Defect” every single time his code went the code review. It was also because he was a bachelor, who lived thousands of kilometers away his family, in a paying-guest accommodation. So, there were no commitments at personal front, he could be made to stretch for any long hours, the onsite visits, for him would extend from weeks to months, no distractions !! He was decently compensated for his work.

So what would have triggered this decision?

Posting a response shared by one if the readers, who wants to remain anonymous…

Please share your feedbacks or comment if you have an advice to give him. We will be waiting to hear from you. Cheers Mate !!

Camping On Summersville Lake (An amalgamation of memories)

Many Thanx Lloyd, for capturing the beautiful colours of Nature and sharing with us !!

LLOYD'S LENS PHOTOGRAPHY LLC

The late summer sun turns the lake into a fire. In the distance I can hear the crickets chirping. A lonely bullfrog sings out in his booming bass voice as the night birds add a chorus of songs and the nightly concert begins. There’s the occasional splash of a fish leaping from the water to catch an insect that flew too close to the surface of the lake. The smell of the fire drifts in as kids roast their marshmallows on freshly cut poplar or birch twigs. I’ll ease back in my chair and take a sip of coffee. The flavor mixes well with the oak in the fire pit. As the sunset fades into the velvety sky the fire in the lake is replaced by silver. Throughout the campground the voices of the people begins to soften. Some campers are already asleep with expectations of being out on the…

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Birthday cake every day!

Many thanks for writing & posting mouth watering desserts receipe…More power to your pen & pan !!

Eat dessert first

  • Rupert: I want a birthday cake!
  • Us: But, Rupert, it’s not your birthday yet…
  • Rupert: I’m a bear, I can eat cake anytime I want!
  • Us: Rupert, that’s no good for your health!
  • Rupert: Winnie the Pooh eats honey all day long and he looks just fine!
  • Us: Pooh is a cartoon, if you haven’t noticed…
  • Rupert: Potato, potato… I went climbing in the woods, I deserve a dessert!

He got lucky, as one of us did indeed have his birthday… But don’t tell him that…! We did him a favor, and made a nerdy birthday cake -his Highness would eat nothing less- with many delicious layers: walnut dacquoise, caramel mousse, apple jelly, crème diplomate and nougatine crisp with walnuts. It took three days to prepare it, but he’s our one and only bear. But we also did our thing: we researched birthday cake in its American and European variations.

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#MyTwoCents Series #16. Toxic Mindsets & Energy Sucking Buggers !!

While reading an article by an author on one of the blogging sites about why should we celebrate Men’s day, at all?, I was filled with immense negative thoughts and feelings that lingered in my mind for more than a few days. I was tempted to react by writing a nasty comment on the blog (remember NEWTON, and his ideas on equal & opposite reaction🙃) but just than the GANDHI in me took over!! What difference would be there between the both of us if I also respond negatively. And I left it to my mind to analysis and understand what makes a person TOXIC?

Hence, my QUEST !!!

What makes us TOXIC ? The first principle that we were taught during the Guidance & Counseling programme at NCERT, (RIE Ajmer) was that basically we are all good. If that’s true, (which I have been trained to believe that it is!!!) so what makes us negative or toxic ??

According to Vedic Documents (Vedas & Upnishads) the world is a composite of three elements Sattva-Rajas-Tamas and everything which is tangible is also a manifestation of these three, in different permutations and combinations, of course. Which also means that we all have both positivity and negativity built-in, and what we feed to ourselves both mind & body, makes our personality. Simply put we become what we eat, drink, hear, feel and see. Our sensory organs help us create memories and based upon our previous experience, we choose our response to a situation. So it’s like Garbage in-Garbage out!!

Is it true, that our life experiences that make us bitter? But even the bittetest of all are not bitter for their significant others. So I am left to believe that everytime we choose to be bitter, it’s our conscious decision, our choice to respond negatively. But why would we choose to be negative?

Betty bought some butter, but the butter was bitter, so Betty bought some more butter to make the bitter butter better. If Betty can improve the taste of butter by adding some more not-so-bitter butter, so can we, isn’t it? Now if it were only butter’s taste that we had to improve it was easy, but we are talking about mindsets, attitudes & negativity.

“Mansa-vacha-karmana”( मनसा: वाचा: कर्मणा:) written in Sanskrit, means mind-body-action, any change that we want to bring in, is possible only when we go full throttle on all three. Doing what we think is right !! In other words, bring consistent in our approach.

Picture Credit: Pinterest
Maj. Sumeet Chhibber

Our mind has a totally different agenda. It works on “Like be-gets Like”. Hence, we need to be careful about what we feed our mind, body & soul, in terms of what we eat, what kind of friends we make and what kind of music we listen too.

“When I am hurt or feeling sad, I don’t like to that people around me, are happy !!”, told my 9YO. Does that happen with us adults too? So if you are happy, you spread smiles, happiness, cheerfulness around you. Else, otherwise.

Factoid : Have you ever noticed, that the rotation per minute i.e. the speed of your car varies with the beats per minute of music you are listening? Imagine what damage these toxic mindsets can do to you.

#toxicmindsets, #energysuckingbuggers, #mind, #mindmagnet, #newton, #gandhi, #quest, #