MyTwoCentsSeries #10 Pre-Teens-my struggle story!!

Very frequently, most of us complain about our kid who is not even 10 & is already throwing tantrums of a teenager. In my opinion is a positive sign that we are aware of our child’s emotional condition.

During our journey, we all realise that the infanthood tantrums were easy to address, but how to handle these preteen mood swings, is bit of a task!!

Pre-teens are those early years before the child hits puberty, and his/her body is getting prepared for entering into teens (13-19). As a parent, we need to endure that they mind & emotions are also getting ready to achieve this milestone. In a way, it is same as when your preschools going kid graduates to formal schooling. While we as a parent of the toddler are very excited & encouraging, but by the time that child reaches 9-10-11 year’s, our patience starts to wear off. We unconsciously start seeking “grown-up-like responses” from them but don’t treat them like one. For instance, if you still call your 10yr-old as “Baby”, you are creating confusion not only to them but also for yourself.

A “BABY” according to the denotative meaning of the word, is a human infant, who is incapable of looking after himself/ herself and is dependent for all his/ her physical, biological and emotional needs.

A 10yr-old in this regards is far more capable of doing most of it on its own, and your requirement is now restricted only to the emotional needs that too if you share a great bond with him/ her.

It’s not easy for us, parents & especially for Mom’s, to let go. Ironic as it may sound, we sweat ourselves day in and day out that they start taking care of their stuff on their own. Like finish their food, keep dishes, shoes, toys, clothes & books at their respective place & in order, but the very first moment she/ he decides to make independent choices, it leaves us jittery, insecure, in some cases paranoid.

At this moment, we experience contradictory feelings simultaneously that my dears are the by-product of being a parent!! So thought if sharing my struggle story, hoping that it ends up as a success story some day.

Here are my two cents, as a parent…

  1. It’s essential to have rules in the house, involve them in sharing responsibilities & make them accountable.
  2. Don’t try to become a friend, just be available 😇, and she needs to learn to make friend with kids of her age & learn to deal with them.
  3. What looks good on her, may not be “COOL” as per her! Let her decide.🤩
  4. Crying is an expression that says, “I am not able to express through words like adults” & as a matter of fact, it comes naturally. Let her settle down.
  5. We are under time pressure or constraint to finish tasks, not them. Teach them time & not pressure!!
  6. Angst is the same as the inability to express & control their emotions, let them be close to nature & not screens. Nature has a magical effect on our souls.
  7. Help them with their vocabulary, let them choose a new word to explain & express their moods or temperament every time. They would learn to appreciate their emotions too.
  8. Personal Space is vital to enhance self-concept.
  9. If your child is meeting age-specific growth milestones, you have made a great achievement!! No other accomplishments are more important, so Celebrate!! 🤩
  10. Whether you like it or not, you are the role model for your child, be prepared, look good, smell good, look happy.Int the end, the child is your reflection only.
  11. Let there be same rules for all in the family. Nobody has a special status, so someday if you break the rules, you too face the consequences.😇
  12. Talk about the changes their bodies will go through inthe next 5-10 years. It’s the prep time, go full swing!!
  13. Soon, the peer is going to be the most influential group, be ready to take the back seat. It’s going to be okay.
  14. Keep creating opportunities for the friends to give a visit to your home, so you are connected & informed.
  15. Most importantly, let them know that you will be around to share this journey, laugh & cry together.

The beauty of being a parent is that there is no universal formula, a prescription for Parenting that will apply to all. What works for one, won’t for the others. So we have to make our way out of this maze. Putting things together like that if a picture puzzle & see if it makes sense. Sometimes, we need to change our view or angel of looking at things, and suddenly a pattern appears & things start making sense.

Let’s start by the understanding your child’s personality and temperament. Also, take into account his/ her self-concept. What is the self-image that the child carries & what they would like to maintain in front of others as their perceived -self. Take help from your child to know him/ her better, trust me; everyone likes to talk about themselves.

So enjoy your ride, Happy Parenting!!

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