#MeetTheMomSeries #7 When The going got tougher…

Latika had just turned 18 when she was married to a guy 9 years elder to her. She was yet to appear for her board exams, so she came back to her parent’s house. It’s been 2-3days, that she was home. But instead of focusing on her studies, she had been crying for hours together. 

She could manage to hide the bite marks on her neck and arms from her mother, which had turned bluish-black by now. Every time she urinates, it would leave her with a burning sensation in her vagina. The first month after getting married, her periods continued for over 2 weeks. She would bleed and her husband would insist to have intercourse when denied he would bite her and masturbate. But not every time she was this fortunate. 

Before their first night, Latika’s mother in law had told her son to be nice and gentle to the new bride as she is just a kid. He tried to tame the beast within for initial few weeks but the first time that she was chumming and wasn’t available for him in bed, he found it difficult to hold himself for 5 days. Every month. 

After a couple of months, he decided to give up on the wait. He would demand her to be ready for him, every night irrespective of her physical or mental readiness for it. There were times, she couldn’t feel her body below her naval, it would go numb like her brain. 

The only person she could confide in was her mother-in-law. Her own husband had died at an early age, leaving 3 boys behind. Because she had sharp and courageous, she managed to take charge of the business gradually. Since that day, she never had a man in her life. Mustering all her courage, she poured her heart to her mother-in-law, one day. Looking at the bite marks and the bruises, she was shaken. It was then decided to send her to her parent’s house until her exams were over, which was still 3 months away.

When her son came to know about this, he was furious. They had a long heated argument till late night but her mother-in-law didn’t shake. She was firm on her stand that the young girl has to finish her exams and need time to focus on her studies. For the first time in the past few months, Latika had felt happy and safe, in her new home.

Now at her mother’s house, she would suddenly get up from her sleep only to realise she was wet with the sweat. She couldn’t breathe well, her throat would run dry. Her mother when came to know the reason tried to pacify her that it is very common and usual part of getting married. She had to learn how to get the best behaviour from her husband. Her husband would give the occasional visits that would leave her shaken as before. 

Her mother-in-law, supported her to pursue further studies and as she grew, she could convince her husband to be a bit reasonable in bed. Just when she thought her life was settling down, her husband died in a road accident, while returning from the nearby town. He was riding his motorbike and was heavily under the influence of alcohol. She was 5 months pregnant then. 

Latika’s mother-in-law felt like life has gone 20 years back, once again leaving yet another young girl devastated. But she stood like a rock with Latika, who was totally shattered. She pulled her through the pregnancy and helped her with the newborn. Because she herself had gone through those situations, she knew that Latika needs another chance with life. She encouraged her to pick up a job which eventually she got with a private bank at an entry-level. Latika was academically very strong and generally hard-working so took the ladders of success faster than most of the colleagues. Her mother-in-law would insist from time to time that Latika should now consider marrying again as she was only 25yrs. She would often say,

Life is a long road which you have to walk…alone makes it appear even longer!!

Once bitten, twice shy was her situation. There were guys in her office who would make passes at her, unaware of her background, and she wouldn’t pay any attention to them. While she had made peace with her life, her mother in law wasn’t willing to give up. Not yet!!

She spoke with her now, eldest son if he would consider marrying Latika. It wasn’t an easy situation, not a usual situation too. All these years, though he had admired her beauty and courage but as his brother’s wife. He was looking after the family business after his brother’s death, would often play with the little nephew while Latika would attend her job. But he had never thought of her with that perspective. That evening when she came back from work, she noticed his brother-in-law looking at her several times with a little lost expression. She couldn’t understand if he was looking at her or through her. 

When Latika came to know about the discussion that had happened between the two, she felt humiliated and embarrassed. She cried in her mother-in-law’s lap, told her how she felt like an object. Begged her not to put her in an awkward situation. Convinced her that she was happy staying with her and doing her job and that she should get him married outside, elsewhere with someone of his choice.

Year’s later, today Latika a living his life with her mother-in-law and her 15 yrs old son, she is working at a zonal position with a reputed MNC bank. She didn’t marry again, she laughs and says,

Once was enough for the lifetime!!

I am thankful to her for allowing me to share this story with the world. All the times that I met her, I found a strong woman who survived through a marital rape at an early age and took the courage to live life on her terms. All she needed was a bit of support, which fortunately she found in her mother-in-law!!

PS: This is a true story of a banking professional that I met while doing my research work. I totally respect her desire to be anonymous, but it’s important to share her struggle & success story with those who need inspiration in life. This story has two heroes, which one is yours? Please do let us know.

➡️Please remember to click on ❤ and leave us a comment. Your encouragement is our motivation.

With love,

Me & My Hero!

#maritalrape, #abuse, #selfbelief

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of Momspresso.com. Any omissions or errors are the author’s and Momspresso does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.

The Story of A Gold Crown & 1M Views @Momspresso

Rank #10

When I started to write about a 6 months back, I was so unsure whether what I write would interest anybody, would I be able to get some readers, would they relate to what I write?

1 Million Views 🙏

Today, my stories have got over 1 Million views and  all those doubts have disappeared in thin air.

Thank you all my heroes for sharing your life situations that inspired me to write and I am sure are motivating millions like me, out there.

Thank you dear readers for giving my 2020 a fabulous start!!

A Big Thanx to Momspresso for giving My heroes and me the platform to express ourselves.

Much Love, Your Story Teller ❤️❤️


#momspresso, #fortheloveofstorywriting, #

Rape, Abuse, Molestation: The story Doesn’t End Here !!!

What I am going to write next and which eventually you will be reading may not go well with those who believe the problem is only with the illiterate, low socio-economic, truck/ bus drivers or people outside our homes. The idea is not to press a panic button but again, introspect!!

While we are busy making the ends meet, someone, who is very special and is mostly getting ignored.

Sharing just one of the situation as we all are aware of the demon – domestic abuse that sits silently within those so-called secure walls of our homes.

Thank you, Dear Friend, for confiding in me and allowing me to share your story on this platform.

“My housemaid was nice, she made me comfortable with her body too!!

“My parents are always busy in their work when at the office and after office, they have calls to take and meetings to attend on Skype. I grew up with a housemaid and later with my tab & my phone.

Don’t get me wrong, I know some friends at school and back in my community too but never could gel with them. Either they have a sibling or a close mate or a boy/girlfriend. I had learnt to live my life within those walls. My housemaid used to give me a bath when I was a kid. She would play with me in our backyard, sing me a lullaby, sometimes help me with my homework too, would hug me and soothe me down when I was cranky as a child.

She was really nice to me. She made me comfortable with her body too.

During the weekends when my parents used to go for overnight parties at their friends’ house, sometimes she would call her special friend. She would ask me to watch TV, while they would go upstairs to my parent’s room and would lock me out. I used to wonder what they would be doing inside so would insist to be taken in.

Sometimes, they would let me in…”

Abuse is like the game of passing the parcel- When an offence like rape or molestation, even a physical or verbal abuse takes place, it is mostly an outburst of years of suppressed emotions, of being exploited, abused or even a very strong negative experience that one wants to get even with by spilling it on someone they can dominate. The intensity and aggression at the time of this act depend on the degree of suppressed emotions. So when such heinous crimes happen, it is a reflection on the entire community who consciously or unconsciously have raised him or her.

While Judiciary is doing its work and finally “Nirbhaya” will get justice, those who undergo domestic abuse by a close relative, internet friend, a neighbour, some cases guardians and parents they go unnoticed and unattended. That shows that it just not the people outside our houses that we need to safeguard our children from but also from those within the walls.

We Have To Find A Way To Break This Cycle !!

PS: Thank you so much for reading the previous 2 parts of the “Rape, Abuse, Molestation: The Story Unfolds” series.

Your love & support that you have shown on, all the social media windows has given us (all those heroes who have disclosed their life situations and me) immense confidence and courage to continue creating awareness to all those behavioural cues, thoughts, actions which have the potential to shape our character and personalities.

Dear Recruiter, With Love- Yours Truly, A Random Candidate !

And here is why? Part #1

Dear Hiring Manager,
Aka Technical Recruiter,
Aka Sourcing Executive,

I am, Your usual candidate, whose resume you would have tossed every other day. Sometimes you value it other times it meets the shredder. I have been thinking about talking to you, each one of you but then realised let me drop an Electronic Mailer, kinda grievance/ complaints/ concerns/ rant/ vent in writingJust the way, you like it, yeah?

I will walk the talk and will spill the beans too !!

Hmmm… from where do we start…

80% of the times, I get a call from a consultant (other 20% some young enthu New Recruits also call, but with a script in front of them) who is in a rush just to listen “Yes, I can come for the interview”, without giving me much details of the profile or the employer (who is obviously a reputed, confidential client whose information can only be shared with me over an email) but I am expected to take a day off from my current employer and sit for hours, just so that I can be treated as a Guinea Pig by one of your new recruits, to polish their interviewing skills on me.

Now, because I had a TIFF with my current Manager (mind it, not the Employer), so I decided to BUNK the office and reached at the interview location sharp 10 am. And there, I meet You !! You, who has not even bothered to go through my credentials ever before and is asking me lame questions, (so tell me about yourself…How all are there in your family… what profile do you handle actually..why do you want to change your job) does the situation sound similar? Such discussions don’t last for more than 15 mins at max !! Trust me, I have the experience!! 🙂

After the initial wait for an hour and then 15 minutes of the formality screening round with You, (where I think, the objective was only to gaze if I could open my mouth and talk, whether I had a positive body language or was I nicely dressed up !!) I was told to wait for the functional round.

Just then, You realize that the Functional Manager that you had fixed the interview schedule with, has been called for an important meeting with the VP- Marketing. He has asked you to get IN TOUCH his next in line. I know, you are in soup !! So when You come back with that Charming Smile of yours and offer me “A Cup of Freshly Brewed Coffee”, and ask me to wait for another 30-45 mins. I know that You were trying to get hold of some manager for the functional interview to be conducted by who ever available at that time slot. C’Mon now, give me that credit !!

While my current Manager is calling me FRANTICALLY for some patch to be reviewed before the final upload. I am in two minds whether to stay for the functional round or just leave ! But, ya nice coffee !! 🙃

And because I am still mad at me Manager so I decide to stay !! I still had a couple of hours before the deadline. Let my manager feel his a** on fire. By the time I finished the coffee shot, You came to take me to the cafetaria to treat me with pizza/ executive thali. Not because you cared about me being hungry, you know I wasn’t !! Remember I just had “freshly brewed coffee” !! Because the substitute manager who was to interview me had gone out with his team for a lunch and won’t be back before 3 pm. Now I am a seasoned player, I know why is it going in this direction and I decide to play along.

Who says, there are no free lunches? 🙂

My misery doesn’t end here, it’s just the BEGINNING.

To be continued….

PS: Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental. The objective is to help figure out – do’s & don’ts for yourself.

Rape, Abuse & Molestation: The Story Unfolds…Part #2

Don’t Label Me!!

For all those readers who are following this series of situations that we as parents unintentionally create for our boys and girls. Here is an attempt to help us understand what our boys go through.

Situation #1 It confused him big-time!!

“I would not allow you to enter inside my house next time if you won’t beat him as hard as you can. How dare they call you names? I am the president of the RWA!! You are my son, I won’t let you take such shit from anyone“, his father was ragging with anger at him. Not sure who made this 7 year old feel more hurt, his friends who called him names or his father who threatened to disown him? He stood rooted to the door, with the tearstained face. He was utterly confused!!

Situation #2 Is it wrong for a BOY to express emotions ?

He came back from school in tears, eyes red and puffy. His mother got concerned, checked his face and body randomly if he has any bruise marks. “Did you had a fight at school?”, she asked. Her voice had genuine concern and care for him. He couldn’t speak a word as his emotions were choking in his throat. He continued to cry. His mother felt sad watching him cry, she continued to pat him gently. “My science teacher is leaving the school as she is getting married”, he could manage to utter few words with great effort. “What???? And for this reason, you are crying like a girl?”, his mother couldn’t believe her ears. She shook him by his shoulders, “And here I was thinking you had a fight with someone at school or in the bus!! Stop crying this minute !! Even the girls of your age won’t cry for this silly reason!” He was a 5th grader. Totally stunned by his mother’s response who was so far okay with him, crying over a fight. Until then.

Situation #3 He Is Such A Sissy!!

He was short for an 8th grader in an all-boys school and almost the shortest in his class. While the other boys were growing up like bamboo shoots he would still appear to be from primary school. His friends would make fun of him in the basketball court when he wasn’t able to score. Towards the end of the year, the patch of soft vellum hair had begun to transform into the terminal hair for most of his friends but him. If he was not already feeling embarrassed about it, they would make fun of his voice which was still a bit cocky. It was the selection time for the annual day’s play. The play had two main characters who were females. It was a well-known fact that some younger boys with softer features were chosen for all such roles. The teacher convinced him to play the role and the friends continued to harass him. On the last day of the session he was dared to jump from the first floor. He was scared of the heights and was sweating in his palms and his forehead shone tiny beads of sweat. A small crowd gathered around, some to cheer him others making fun. They were chanting “SISSY-SISSY” and just to prove them wrong he jumped from the first floor, lost his balance and hit his head on the ground which left him unconscious.

Situation #4. Art is for girls, not boys!!

Since he was a small boy, he would send hours with his colours and drawing books. His mother would often forget if he was in the room. Unlike other boys of his age he didn’t like playing outside. Loud noises would make him restless. His school teachers we’re very happy with him. This was his first PTM in formal school. The teacher was briefing about his academic performance and how good he is at art when his father interrupted her “all this is okay. I had got him admitted in your school and paid so much fees not for him to hold a crayon in his hand but hold the cricket bat like other boys. This art is a girls thing, boys don’t do that. Please don’t encourage this rubbish”!! The boy sat still, not looking at the teacher, feeling ashamed of himself.

Situation #5. Career Options!!

Soon after finishing the final semester from the business school, he wanted to open his restaurant. He had even researched about the loan from the bank and had been able to find a spot in the commercial block closer to their residence. He was very excited about his plans and had mentally done the discussion with his father. How he would approach it and how much time he will be ablevtovrepay loan…so on & so forth. After dinner, he showed his father the bank papers and was telling him about the space that he had seen for the restaurant when his father tore the papers and threw it on his face. He was shaken!!! “If you wanted to cook why did I waste my money on your MBA? You could have just opened a stall outside my office. When you were born I had thought that someday you will earn big money and take the load off my shoulders. How was I to know that you want to become a cook food like girls do! Leave this cooking thing for your wife when you get married. Tomorrow morning come sit with me in the shop if you can’t find a job decent enough for a man”. He knew there would be no point talking to him about it again, went for a walk feeling dejected.

All these emotions when repeated over a period of time, arise negative self-esteem and low self-worth. Most of the times they go unattended by the significant others and evoke negative expressions which finds a vent on abusing others or in substance abuse.

When these behaviour patterns are repeated over a period of time, it puts tremendous amount of pressure to demonstrate their superiority on someone who is physically less powerful or easy to manipulate. And hence, the crimes!!

No parenting their conscious mind would like to hurt their child’s self-esteem. It’s just the matter of becoming aware and correct ourselves, when there is still time !!❤️❤️ Happy Parenting ❤️❤️

PS: This series is an attempt to understand what causes “Rape, Abuse & Molestation”, not to shift blames but identify those cues that may cause these behaviours. Thanx to those who shared their stories.